Why I Can’t Stand Reality Shows

May 1st, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I remember something I said several years back, at the start of this reality boost. It’s a vocal statement that has never left me:”Reality TV is just a fad. It’ll never last!”

Boy, was I wrong! I have been eating my words ever since, which is something I seem to do alot.

The irony is that it’s much worse now then it was then. The reality shows from ten years ago have since brought on more reality shows as a consequence.  For example, Survivor begat the Amazing Race and Temptation Island, which probably could be called the horny version of Survivor.

Soon, shows like The Bachelor and Who Wants To Marry A Millioniarre started showing up and since then we have dealt with Bachelorettes and celebrity hook up shows from the likes of Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels. Seriously VH1. wasn’t the various years of The Surreal Life punishment enough?

Of course, the celebrity reality shows, the most sleazy of all reality tv, grew and grew.  Thanks to The Osbournes, we got shows about Gene Simmon’s and Hulk Hogan’s families, much less a show about Jessica Simpson’s short marriage. And let’s not forget Paris Hilton’s The Simple Life. Actually, let’s TRY to forget that!

If I’m forgetting anything, it might be because watching one or two episodes of The Newlyweds rotted a few of my brain cells a few years back.

And now we have celebrity dance shows. What next? Celebrity Bowling? Oh wait, thats been done before!

Seriously, why should I care if these people can dance? I already know that some celebrities can dance. (Click here for proof!)

In fact, the biggest flaw in these shows. Or, at least, the biggest reason i can’t get into them is a simple question: Why should I care?

Why should I care if Donald Trump is picking a new apprentrice? He is just going to pick another one next year. How else would there be a second season? And how many apprentices can one have? Why should I care if paris Hilton can’t milk a cow? I already know she can’t do anything.

And why should I care about a farmer who is trying to pick a wif? It’s not going to work out. Most of these people there are there for their fifteen minutes and when it’s all over they are just going to realize that it was only fifteen minutes!

Reality shows have been around for a long time. It’s nothing new. The Real World did it long before Big Brother. But then again, I never cared for The Real World either.

Of course, these shows are actually accumulating viewership, or else executives would have pulled the plug years back and sleezed to the next fad.  So I may very well be int he minority here, but I don’t care. I still find most reality shows sleazy. Ok, maybe not as sleazy as The Jerry Springer Show!

Reality isn’t bad. It’s in bulk that makes it soggy. One or two or even three or four of these shows wou;dn’t bother me. But there are a lot more than that. So here I am!

‘Cleveland’ Gets 13 Episodes But Does It Really Matter?

April 30th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

Recently, it was announced that we would be getting a Family Guy spin-off that focusses on side character Cleveland. Today,
Yahoo TV! dropped a tidbit of information.

One virtual certainty is that Fox will be launching its first animated comedy — or comedies — in three years. “Cleveland,” a spinoff of “Family Guy,” is expected to get on the air with a 13-episode order. Staffers are being hired for the show, which focuses on the Griffins’ henpecked neighbor.

Doesn’t say much, but it gives me enough information. Fox is giving 13 episodes to a show that will probably only get to five. Side characters usually aren’t interesting when they are put in the spotlight. This isn’t always true, but usually, it is. Especially with Family Guy, who’s side characters are amusing, but I would never want to see an entire episode dedicated to them, much less an entire series.

Will Family Guy fans be interested enough to tune in? Most likely. But, at least for me, when I see a spin off usually I want to see the other characters from the original show. It’s usually never the same without them, even if the humor is the same.

Fox tried this a few years back with The Lone Gunman. The nerdy trio were interesting, but not without Mulder and Scully, and only after a few episodes, it was cancelled. But, to be fair, The Lone Gunman was mediocre at best. I’ll give Cleveland the benefit of the doubt, but I just have this strong feeling that this show will flop.

Gremlins Return in Awesome TV Commercial!

April 30th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

This might sound a bit strange, but to me, the Gremlins films are guilty pleasures. I’ve watched them literally million times as a kid, and revisit that nostalgia every few months. Of course, I can see the films flaws now, but I don’t care, the puppets still work for me!

But before you ask “Josh, why are talking about Gremlins on a tv themed site?” Well, they just so happen to be making a recent appearance on a stange commercial, and for the first time in nearly twenty years, we get to see Gremlins causing all new mayhem!

Updated with Video!

Possibility of Further X-Files Series

April 22nd, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

The X-Files gang recently dropped in for a Q&A at New York’s Comic Con this past weekend, and while they were being coy about the most recent film, the future of the X-Files was brought up. AICN has the transcript.

Host: Would you want to continue the X-Files on another network?Chris: It won’t be the without Scully or Mulder (the actors are both busy on series at the moment). If successful here, it would present an opportunity to see life after the film.

While it all depends on whether or not X-Files:I Want To Believe does well in theaters, the idea of X-Files continuing in some way is an exciting idea. Of course, with both actors busy with their own series, the chances of a new series are slim against the possibility of a furthering film series, which I would prefer anyway. As long as it continues. X-Files was and still is one of my favorite shows, and I’m quite glad that it has a chance at a second life.

Tidbits on Star Wars TV Series

April 22nd, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

To fans who may have cringed at the lighter look that the Star Wars Prequals portrayed, MTV may have delerived us “new hope.”

If you thought the cantina in Mos Eisley was a “wretched hive of scum and villainy,” well you’d better be cautious because an upcoming journey back to the “Star Wars” universe is going to reveal the “greasy, seamy underbelly of ‘Star Wars.’” That’s what Steve Sansweet, Lucasfilm’s Director of Fan Relations, revealed to MTV News at New York’s Comic Con yesterday about the much anticipated live-action “Star Wars” TV show in development. Confirming that the show will “involve some characters we know” along with new creations, Sansweet said the show would be “of epic scale.”

I found the newer films to be more high-tech than the original films, which I found odd because the newer films are supposed to be prequals. Maybe it was the inclusion of Coruscant, that made it seem more high-tech? I don’t know. But I do feel that they were more clean looking than the original films, where everything was worn, battle-scarred, and almost dirty.

So while this news isn’t exactly as big as, let say, if they were to come and say “Darth Vader is in the show,” it is indeed hopeful news.

They also dropped word on when the show might blast into our “galaxy.”

So when can we expect all of this? “We’ll see it in production probably sometime in 2009. Hopefully the series will be on by 2010,” said Sansweet.
 

A couple of years away? That was no brainer. Now, if they would only give us more details, or even more hints.

New X-Files DVD Set Gives Us Hints Toward the Upcoming Sequel?

April 12th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I love the X-Files. I was a late bloomer, but halfway through the series I started to like the series. I caught most of the episodes on TNT at 4am, when I was staying up all night writing one of my screenplays. It was then, that I became a huge fan of the show. In fact, it’s in my top favorites. So the thought of me desperately sweating as I try to wait patiently for the new X-Files sequal to come out isn’t too hard to imagine.

Well, there is a new dvd set coming out called The X-Files Revelations, and will be somewhat like the Mythology dvd.TV Shows on DVD has the press release.

CENTURY CITY, Calif. – The truth will be out there… Fox Home Entertainment presents an exclusive insider’s pass to the science-fiction television phenomenon just in time for its second trip to the big screen when “THE X-FILES” REVELATIONS descends onto a two-disc DVD collection July 8th. Selected by eight-time Emmy® Award nominated series creator Chris Carter himself, all eight full hour episodes in the compilation include special on-camera introductions by Carter and producer Frank Spotnitz, revealing why each were chosen and how they relate to the highly anticipated feature film, invading theaters on July 25th.

Interesting! Though, I personally, will not purchase this dvd. I still haven’t bought all the seasons yet, and I would like to finish that, so these select episode dvds haven’t really interested me too much. It’s only the curiosity of how these episodes apply to the new movie, that interests me. Although, the WomderCon panel, included as a special feature, does tempt me.

Why Do People Watch Soap Operas?

April 12th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

Every week day at 1:50, I sit in the break room at work for my ten minute break. Throughout the entire day, the television is tuned to only one channel. CBS, I think. At 9:15, we put up the horror that is the dancing yhetti on Regis. At 11:35, we watch Drew Carey as he attempts to fill Bob Barkers shoes.

But it’s every week day at 1:50 thats the worst, because at that time I am sitting at the table, looking in disgust at the sham of a production that is the Bold and the Beautiful, and wonder, to myself, why do people watch these shows?

During my first six months on the job, I literally saw the same scene a million times: some 70 year old woman fighting with her 40 year old son over his 20 year old girlfriend. Or maybe it was his future wife. Or perhaps, the old woman’s future wife. I really didn’t care all that much. It was hoaky! Although, the lines were slightly different each time, it was obvious that they just recycled the same directions over and over again .

I scratch my head when I think about how many of these shows there are and how long they have been on.

Everyone knows that the acting is cheap, the situations are beyond unlikely, and the writing would almost put Uwe Boll to shame. Almost.

And yet, these shows have been on for decades. They even have their own channel.

I just can’t get my head out of the “why?” I just can’t let it go. Do people watch these because they are so stupid? Do they get a laugh out of these? Is it because each episode gives the impression that something interesting will happen in the next episode? Is it because girls watch these and dream about a similar romance? If so, is that why they dragged their unwilling boyfriends to see The Notebook?

Perhaps, this is a question that can be best answered by shows’ target audience. So I ask you, watchers of the soaps, why do you watch these?

Neil Patrick Harris Speaks Out About Spears’ Guest Appearance on HIMYM

April 10th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

NPH is apparently not a fan of Briteny Spears’ appearance. Thats cool, niether was I!Yahoo TV reports.

“I’m in the minority that our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed,” Harris declared during a break from taping the Monday night CBS sitcom, which has grown a cult following since its 2005 debut. “I worry that if they start `Will and Grace’-ing us too much, that the show will suffer. And we’re all really proud of the content of the show. I mean, viewership is not our game. It’s the network and the studio’s game, you know. It’s the promotion department’s game,” the actor, who plays womanizer Barney, told The Associated Press in an interview last week.

I’m totally with NPH on this! I don’t like celebrity walk ons. They usually feel out of place, and unnecessary! With HIMYM, I totally dig the cast and I don’t need to see a special guest appearance by Britney Spears ,or any other celebrity they can get,t o enjoy the show. As far as Ted’s girlfriends and future wife go, I want girls that are fresh and have a natural quality to them. People who feel like they belong on the same screen with same characters, and when sitcoms do this, I just don’t buy it. I see it for what it really is, a gimmick to get more viewers, and usually it works. So I guess, I can’t blame the networks for doing it!

Duking it Out: SNL vs Mad TV

April 10th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

In this installment, we pit the late night comedy of Saturday Night Live up against the late night comedy of Mad TV. The entire history of both show is taken into account, so we are not just comparing the most recent seasons.

SNL, of course, has a longer history with audiences. In fact, it has about nearly more than a decade on Mad TV.

SNL has a higher quality in it’s productions. It’s sets, hair, make-up, and impressions are usually pretty good. They even have quite a selection of hosts and musical guests, except when certain non-actors hosted the shows and stunk up the place with their unfunny-auto-pilot acting.

Mad TV, on th eother hand, had cheaper impressions and less superior makeup jobs, in my opinion. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t at all funny. They’ve made me laugh quite a bit.

Of course, I watched Mad TV a lot less than I did SNL. Some of it’s skits I’ve found funny, many I didn’t. While I found the Emo Elmo and their many claymation skits to be quite entertaining, the likes of Jason Takes NASA (an idea that entually became a movie, Jason X—why?!!)  really haunt my memory of the show.

To be fair, even in my favorite years of SNL, there were plenty of skits I hated. The skits were Farley, Spade, and Sandler played teenage girls come to mind. By the way, I just quivered from the memory! There’s also Ana Gasteyer’s skit about the two stoned radio personas, who spoke in really soft voices.  Oh, and why they occupy the cast members’ greatest hits collections, I also hated Will Ferril and Cheri Oteri’s Cheerleader skits and the male groupies skits.

But, SNL was worse than those skits and Mad TV combined, during the mid-80’s when Anthony Michael Hall was in the cast. I’ve never seen any of those skits re-aired.

But where there is shame, glory can be found. While there was those skits, you could always find stuff like “Bill Braskey!!!,” Dan Akyroid’s shady toy guy, Wayne’s World, anything Belushi, Harry Carry’s talk show, Ferril’s Bush and the other presidential impressions,”the cowbell”, the great Phil Hartman, the Roxberry boys, Ben Stiller’s encounter with one of the guys from The Eagles….ok, that last one was kind of messed up!

Out of the two, obviously I pick SNL, though it’s kind of lost me in the newer seasons. I’ve tried watching from time to time, but I just don’t find what I’ve seen to be that funny, though I quite enjoy the McGuiver parody!

While I ind SNL’s comedy more prudent to my tastes, this whole battle depends on what kind of comedy you, the readers, prefer.

So who wins? SNL? Mad TV? Another show? Neither? You decide!

How Will Episode Availability on the Net Affect Television?

April 9th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

In the most recent years, the (official) availability of tv shows have grown on the internet. Well d’uh!

Recently, South Park Studios started offering every single on of the series episodes for free viewing. Hulu.com is still growing and could end up becoming the YouTube for tv shows and movies. Once again, free!

Unlike the original televised broadcasts, you can watch these at anytime,  with less advertisements, and unlike owning them on dvd or blu ray (yes, I support it and own a PS3), they are free. Notice how the word “free” keeps popping up.

I personally will watch the episodes on the net off their official rescources, and then, if I like the series, I purchase the season when it’s made available on DVD/BR. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer my hard copies over the digital ones.

But there are lots of people out there that if they can get it free on the net, officially or illegally, they will. And I’m sure not everybody goes out and buys the season dvds. That can be quite an expensive endeavor after a while, especially with long running series. I mean, why buy all the South Park dvds when you watch it free of their website?

Of course, I own every one of those dvds. But I’m sure the above could be a popular mentallity.

Little by little, networks will follow in South Park Studios footsteps and offer their entire collection for free. A lot of network websites offer newer episodes, but not whole series, nor older ones.

I’m personally not against this either. Why would I be? I have been saying for years that all television should be available on on-demand services.

People have busy schedules and often are prone to miss many shows they want to watch. Of course, there’s always TiVo, but not everybody is willing to buy that, and besides, most people have computers with internet capabilities, and with the availability of shows online, your favorite shows oculd be just a click away.

What affect will this have on television? Will the grwoing technology run it over? I doubt it. TV will most likely adapt with the changes, something I’m going to address in a future article.

As far as seasons on DVD go, I doubt they’ll be shorted out anytime soon. A lot of shows aren’t being offered on the net yet, like older shows, but eventually the medium will change and the internet will be a doorway for television viewing, if it isn’t already.

Batman Recieves Another Animated Series

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I love Batman! I was am especially a huge fan of the animated series from the early-to-mid 90’s. To me, none of other Batman animated series have lived up to the style and feel of that series, not even it’s sequal series, The New Adventures of Batman & Robin, which altered the style to be slicker and a little bit more like the other superhero cartoons at the time. Batman’s more recent series, The Batman, hasn’t interested me one bit. For starters, I can’t get past the look.

Anyways, I was shocked to find that a new Batman cartoon is in the making. It will be called “Batman: Bold and Brave.”ENI has the details.

From Warner Bros. Animation comes the latest interpretation of the classic Batman franchise. Our caped crusader is teamed up with heroes from across the DC Universe, delivering nonstop action and adventure with a touch of comic relief. Blue Beetle, Green Arrow, Aquaman and countless others will get a chance to uphold justice alongside Batman.

So basically, it’s the Super Friends?

Judging by the two pictures I have seen, I like it’s look, though not as good as the 90’s series I love so much, but I like it a lot more than The Batman. There’s just something about this new cartoon that has me in doubt. I just can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s the subtly retro quality that feels out of place? I don’t know. I just know that something about this just makes me feel like it won’t last too long.

What I Want For the Star Wars TV Series

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I’ve been really wanting to chime in on the Star Wars television series, but I haven’t really had the chance since there’s only so many nuggets being delivered at a time, and I’m usually too late. Truth be told, I only know so much about this series, and probably even less than the usual Star Wars fan. I may not be the biggest Star Wars fan in the world, but I do want something completely balls to the wall Star Wars. I’m not going to spend a thousand words on how much I was upset with the prequals. There’s a thousand writers out there blogging about that, so I’ll spare you from that.

What I do know about the series is that it is supposedly set between Rvenge of the Sith and Star Wars (I refuse to call it A New Hope) and that it will supposedly be kind of like the Young Indiana Jones tv show. The first part interests me, the second part worries me. The way it sounds is that they are making “The Tales of Star Wars” and each episode will be set in a different world with a different protagonist, and if thats the case, I’m not all that excited about that.

I want to see a continuing story, not necessarily one that continues the ones told in the films, but one that is at the forefront of the series. Why not the growth of the rebellion? It’s birth ended up on the cutting room floor, and it is something I’m interested in seeing.. And I’m sure many others would be too.

Seeing characters like Boba Fett again are cool and all, but it’s characters like Darth Vader and the Emporer that I truly want to see come back from time to time, and if they did chose to focus on the rebellion from time to time, it could be quite plausible for us to hear James Earl Jones deep voice again, and I really hope we do. Seeing the younger version of Boba Fett was quite awkward in the films (I think), but with the tv series, they will have more time to drop in cameos from familiar characters. Seeing a young Han Solo wouldn’t feel as thrown in as it would have if they did it in Revenge of the Sith, as long as they don’t dilliy dally too much. C’mon George! Give us more Vader! Give us the real Vader doing what he does best.

It would also be quite possible that they would reflect on some Jedi that survived the Order 66. In fact, I believe it’s more than posisble. I believe that is a direction they will go in.

It’s Star Wars, so balls to the wall action is comething we probably wouldn’t have to ask for, but I don’t want that interrupted with Senate meetings and the politics of war. Here and there is OK, but I don’t want pointless meladrama to drag out what could be an amazing episode.  I swear, showrunners must really think that just because they have a show means that the show can used to develop a character more. Yes, that maybe true, but you can still develop a character without completely stopping the show, like the prequals did, where they halted the build up so Padme could say “Hold me like you did in Naboo.” That scene felt so awkward. We know they love each other. We know it leads to Anikin’s doom, but does the romance have to be overplayed and boring? No! This isn’t “As the Galaxy Turns,” it’s Star Wars, one of the biggest franchises to ever grace an audience, so please don’t stop the show for romantic cliche’s and if you do, please, please make it seem real.

I also think it would be cool if every episode opened like the movies did. It starts with the Lucasfilm logo, and then the “Long, long time ago” text and then BOOM! The name of the series against the stars and then the opening crawl with the episode number and title rolling up to the tune of the great John Williams. That would be so cool!

If I had to guess which channel the series will air on, I would say Spike. They are now showing the all of the films, which is my primary reason for the guess. I think SciFi Channel would be cool, too. It already has the built in audience and on a channel, in which the audience already expects all things science fiction, that would be so perfect, yet I doubt will air on SciFi. At one point, I would have said FOX, but a part of me really doubts it too. So, I still say Spike.

I’m not saying this stuff will make a better series, but it is what I want so see. So, I want to know what you want to see. If there’s something you wish for this epic series, feel free to speak up in the comments section.

Also, would it be too much to ask for Spielberg to direct an episode?

Christopher Walken Returns to Host SNL For His Seventh Time

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

The Great Christopher Walken joins the Seventh Timers Club tonight as he is once again set to host Saturday Night Live. About.com reports.

SNL is back in April with two new shows. Christopher Walken returns to host for the seventh time on April 5th with musical guest Panic At The Disco. You probably remember Walken for his character The Continental and his cries of More Cowbells. A veteran of over 50 films, we last saw the Academy Award winner in the musical Hairspray.

Walken has always been one of my favorite SNL hosts. His Blue Oyster Cult skit has gown on to be one of the most quoted SNL skits of most recent history, although, sadly it has become of his most quoted lines despite his great acting resume. Too bad, the musical guest is Panic At the Disco. I’ll just flip the channel when they come on.

Knight Rider Learns From Other Series’ Mistakes

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

The people behind the new Knight Rider are desperately trying their best to make it right and to make it last and do both at the same time. But what they aren’t doing is rushing it, and just throwing it at us and giving us a few explosive episodes and dropping the ball later in the season

SciFi Wire reports.

Ben Silverman, co-chairman of NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios, said that the network took the lessons it learned the hard way from its failed reboot Bionic Woman and applied them to the upcoming remake of Knight Rider. “We saw it with [Fox's] Terminator [The Sarah Connor Chronicles], and we saw it with Bionic Woman: big openings, big branded titles, draw open the tent, and the show didn’t deliver on that $10 million pilot,” Silverman said in response to a SCI FI Wire question during the network’s upfront presentation to advertisers in New York on April 2. “What we’re doing with Knight Rider is we consciously delivered it on air [in February] so that we had nine months to make sure that series is great.”

I hope this isn’t just talk, that they are taking the time and proper care to making a great show, one that lasts. I guess, we’ll know this fall!
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Eric Cartman On National Public Radio Today

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

Everyone’s favorite little bastard from South Park is jumping out of his fictional town for a short trip, as he looks to be getting interviewed today on National Radio! South Park Studios has the details!

Eric Cartman will be a guest this Saturday (4.5.2008) on National Public Radio’s Saturday Weekend Edition. He will be joining the likes of Long Duk Dong, Cookie Monster and Catwoman to be interviewed for the “In Character” series.

Interesting! The site doesn’t mention an air time, but it does give us a link to the Nation Public Radio’s official site  where you can check out what stations are around you, if you want to check it out, though I’m sure clips will pop up soon.

Heroes Season Three Premieres With A Bang!

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I have many fears for Heroes. OK, just one fear, that Season Three will continue that deep fall into that deep dark abyss, causing Hiro and Co. to never return. Having said that, this most recent news has me excited! Heroes Fanatic reports.

“We consciously chose to rest [Heroes] this spring so that [creator] Tim Kring and his team could get ahead of the creative and build up to a massive event–a three-hour Heroes night,” Silverman said during the network’s upfront presentation to advertisers in New York on April 2. “On Monday, Sept. 15, we’ll kick off with a Heroes clip show to try to bring back the audience and [then air] a massive two-hour Heroes film.”

Holy Crap! This has me excited! Not so much with the clip show because clip shows blow chunks, but a two hour film! Ok, so it’s really a two-hour episode dressed as a film, but who cares about technicalities?

I wonder if this will be enough to spark some interest for those who have lost it. Truth be told, I honestly don’t think the show’s writers have completely learned their lessons, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter because if they don’t win over the doubting viewers, and even lose some in the process, nothing will save it. Ok, maybe that sentence is a bit meladramatic, but in all honestly, Season Three is possibly there last chance to prove it’s potential. 

FOX Gets Sued By Justice Department

April 5th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

Yahoo! TV reports

In an unusual move, the Justice Department sued Fox Broadcasting Co. and another broadcaster Friday to collect $56,000 in fines for the broadcast of a raunchy reality show in 2003 that included scenes from bachelor and bachelorette parties.  Fox’s “Married by America” included the “thrusting of a male stripper’s crotch into a woman’s face” in one show in addition to other scenes the agency found objectionable, according to a complaint filed in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia.

I’ll be honest that my first reaction was “Holy Crap! That show aired four years ago!” But the more I read, the more I really understood why.  While I do think that parents need to be responsible of what their kids watch and that the TV ratings are not their for flavor, but FOX should be a little bit more respojnsible on what they air on their primetime.

What this sounds like, to me, is just another useless reality show trying to push the lines for pushing the lines sake, and I’m personally not a fan of that.  But what has me scratching my head is why this was bad, but shows like Temptation Island were considered OK? I mean, thats a show that was all about sex and aired during the primetime.

10 Simple Things Commercials Can Teach Us

April 1st, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

We all commercials. You know, the things that get longer and longer each year, causing our favorite shows to shorter and shorter each year, and the things that absolutely nobody loves and have absolutely nothing to do with the stuff they are selling. Yeah! Those things! Well, it turns out they do something after all. They edecuate us!

Here a ten things I have learned from commercials:

10. Animals love to drink pop and beer, and even enjoy a nice drag every once in a while.

9. Name brand cleaners can wipe up anything and everything without the slightest bit of work.

8. Your girlfriend will love it if you buy her the Valentine’s Day gift set off an infomercial, instead of something that is meaningful.

7. Big Macs are perfectly designed hamburgers that are made with care with juicy meat placed in between two perfectly-shaped buns, and not two paper-thin slices of meat shoved into smashed buns and shoved into your bag.

6. Ford trucks can dodge renegade boulders.

5. Every movie is the #1 movie.

4. Cell phones can do everything!

3. Every candidate is better than the other.

2. Just merely a light spraying of Axe body spray can get you laid.

1. Shampoo can give women orgasms.

There you have it! That’s my list. If you have any more suggestions, feel free to comment.

Digging South Park’s New Season

March 27th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I’m loving this new season. I mean, LOVING! I guess I’m bias on that, since I have always loved South Park, and there have been very little episodes that I have disliked, most of them coming from more recent seasons.

First we got Jimmy Buffet singing about AIDS. Then there was the Britney Spears-Children of the Corn episode, and while it was my least favorite of three newest outings, this week’s episode has become quite the opposite. In fact, he really hit me in the head.

While I didn’t find myself laughing as much as normal, it was really because I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen, and I would be lying if the title “Major Boobage” didn’t have anything to do with it. But it really was the nostalgic homage to the 80’s animated flick “Heavy Metal” that really suckerpunched my eyes into nothing less than complete awe.

It was, for lack of a more proper word, awesome!

Twelve years ago, it would have been impossible to imagine these construction paper cutouts do such things, and if there are any doubters left, “Major Boobage” should convert them.

You can catch this new episode on South Park’s official site, but you better hurry because the new episodes are taken off after 7 days, and don’t come back to the site until a month or two later.

I can’t wait to see what they have in store for use next!

What Has Happened to MTV?

March 16th, 2008 by Josh Kelhoffer

I was just inspired moments ago to write this post by a comment made by one of our readers. A comment that was left on my last post, an article about Paris Hilton’s new, uninspired, braindead stupid reality show. There one sentenced response spoke in volumes: “This is why nobody with half a brain watches MTV anymore.”

MTV’s top “minds” have forgotten many years ago that MTV stands for “Music Television”, not “Mindless Exploitation of Rich Vain Teenage Girls Television.” Mind you, that sentence was half-assed, and yet those few seconds I took to think it up was more time than what MTV gives to coming up with their lamebrain schedule, which seems to mostly consist of “reality” shows. And I use the term “reality” rather loosely. Whatever plain of existence the girls of Laguna Beach think they live on, it isn’t reality.

And I’m going to be honest with you, I did watch Jackass. I did watch Viva La Bam. And I most certainly watched Beavis and Butthead with the biggest smirk on my face. Why? Because I found them entertaining. I was a child when B&B ruled MTV, and I was a teenager when Johnny Knoxville and his renegade crew of immature misfits strutted their vulgarity to the lowest levels of crudeness. While I did do a small amount of stupid stunts in my high school, Jackass never had the affect on me as it did on some other people my age. But rest assured, those were the only shows that have ever been placed on their schedule that I gladly dedicated my free time.

Throughout my life, I have briefly tuned into TRL when nothing else was on and slowly watched as the channel’s taste in music declined, along with their respect for it. They would play forgettable pop song after forgettable pop song, and when they reached a song I did like (”It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi, for example-yes, I liked that song), they would skip it for lack of time. What’s the point of having a top 10 list of songs if you are only going to play 8 or 9 of them? And then they rarely showed the entire music video,  and would interupt them in the middle to show Kaitlynn from New Hampshire screaming some indistinguishable rant at the camera as she stood outside with hundreds of other teenage girls and boys, but mostly girls, who had nothing better to do but stand outside of the MTV building.

And then, one day I turned MTV on and reality based shows had completely swallowed the channel. Sure, the Real World had been around forever, by that point, but now we had Jessica Simpson as a newlywed, Ashton Kutcher “punking” people, girls searching loser’s rooms to pick a date, and then it happened! And by “it,” I really mean Laguna Beach and The Hills, two shows that openly display the worst traits that I have seen in girls that I have almost dated, not to mention, girls I have worked with and gone to school with.  And teenage girls get sucked into this stuff. They actually dig it! I guess, these over-dramatic high school chronicles are what kids get into nowadays.

And that’s what has happened to MTV. People continue to tune it, and MTV caught on and gave them more and more and more, leaving some of us sick and others satisfied.

At one point, MTV 2 was established and was essentually the old MTV, and by that I mean, it was all about music. But, from what I understand, MTV 2 is now heading in the same direction, as well as VH1, a channel I used to retreat to for my music needs, but has since gone “reality” with the Surreal Life and many diferent celebrity-based Osbourne-like shows.

In fact, channels selling out their initial audience isn’t an uncommon practice. FX and Cartoon Network have done it the past as well when they ditched their classic shows/cartoons theme. It’s all part of change, and I guess while I may still be young I’m already getting to the point where “things were better when I was younger” and I’m sure that several years from now when these teenage grils watching MTV grow into their mid-twenties, they are going to say the same thing when MTV drops it’s current fad and buys into a new one.

Readers, I want to know what you think of MTV in it’s most recent years. Do you still watch it? Have you ever watched it?